Setlists, Song Requests and “Do Not Play” Lists: How Much Should You Control?

When it comes to the songs your band plays, how much should you control?

Tell your band the handful of songs that matter to you, then trust them with the rest. That’s the short answer, and it comes from watching Scottish wedding dancefloors since 1999.

The longer answer is below, because it’s a fair question. You’ve chosen the venue, the menu and every flower. Why wouldn’t you choose the songs?

What you should definitely ask for

Some moments belong to you, and any good wedding band will treat them that way.

• Your first dance. Most of our bands will learn your first dance if it isn’t already in their set. Give them plenty of notice, as some ask for two to three months. If the dance itself makes you nervous, our First Dance Survival Guide covers shortened versions and getting guests up to join you.
• A song for a special moment. A tune for a parent, a nod to someone who can’t be there, or the song that was playing when you met. Tell the band the story so they know when to play it and how to introduce it.
• Your last song. The finale is the last thing your guests remember. Many couples choose it, and bands are happy to plan around it.
• A ceilidh section. In Scotland this is almost expected. Most wedding bands play a little ceilidh as standard, but check first if you want a longer set.
• A few real favourites. Three to five songs you’d love to hear is perfect. But remember, these need to be from the band’s existing repertoire – there’s no guarantee that they’ll learn more than one specific song (your first dance). If you’ve got 20 songs that aren’t in the band’s normal set list, you probably need a band whose set already suits you.

Why a long must-play list works against you

A wedding is the hardest crowd there is. You’ll have guests from 8 to 80, some who dance all night and some who need coaxing out of their seats.

A good band has built its set over hundreds of weddings. They know which song lifts a flagging floor, which one brings the older guests up, and when it’s time to slow things down. That timing is a big part of what you’re paying for.

Hand over a list of 40 must-plays and you take that skill away. The band ends up working through your list instead of watching the room. If the floor is full most of the night, your guests are having a great time, whatever the songs are.

The trouble with “do not play” lists

We see more of these every year, and they’re the one thing we’d gently talk couples out of.

The songs on them are usually the ones couples are sick of hearing at other people’s weddings. But those songs are played at every wedding because they fill dancefloors. You might never want to hear Mustang Sally again, but your uncle and half your work pals will be up the second it starts.

There is one big exception. If a song has a painful association, such as a song from a funeral or one tied to a difficult time, tell your band. They’ll be glad you did, and it won’t be played.

So keep the “do not play” list for songs that hurt, not songs that bore you.

Guest requests on the night

Guests will ask the band for songs, and most bands take requests where they can. They won’t know every song ever recorded, though, and a full band can’t usually learn one on the spot.

• Bands won’t plug in a guest’s phone mid-set. It breaks the flow and can cause sound problems. If there’s a song guests are bound to ask for, mention it to the band in advance.
• The break is a good place for your own music. In Scotland, most bands take a break of around half an hour during the buffet and play recorded music while they rest. Ask your band whether they’ll play your playlist. Our post on keeping the dancefloor alive between sets has more on this.

How to brief your band

We’ll introduce you to your band ahead of the day so you can go over the details together. Have these ready:

• Your first dance song, and whether you want the full version or a shortened one
• Any special-moment songs, who they’re for and when
• Your last song, if you have one
• Three to five favourites
• Any songs with painful associations to leave out
• Whether you’d like a ceilidh set, and roughly when

That’s it. Leave everything else to the people who do this every weekend.

Quick answers

Will the band learn our first dance?
Most of our bands will learn a first dance that isn’t in their set. Check the band’s page and give them plenty of notice.

Can we choose every song the band plays?
You can share your favourites, but we’d advise against choosing everything. The band’s real skill is reading the room, and a fixed list stops them doing it.

Should we give the band a “do not play” list?
Only for songs with painful associations. Banning popular songs usually means banning the songs that fill the floor.

Every band on Hireaband has its full set list on its profile page, so you can see what you’re getting before you book. If you’d like a hand choosing, call Gaye or Lisa on 0141 413 4060 or email Lisa.